When The Crazy Gets Out

I wouldn't change a thing about my life, but if I could go back and be her all over again I would.  The best I can guess is I was 17 in this picture, fall of my senior year.  I had a baby at home, my mother was sick with cancer, and I wish I'd known the value of being a good sister then. If I could talk to her, I could give her advice that would blow her mind, but she wouldn't take it, she would still make her journey the same way, the hard way. Suddenly my heart is breaking for her, for me, for so many dreams that didn't come true, for so many things that should never have happened, my mother dying, probably being the shittiest sister that ever lived and every stupid mistake I ever made.  Tears are streaming down my face and I can hardly see the screen. That poor girl didn't have a clue. I remember her. This is huge considering there is so much of my life I don't remember, or struggle to remember, or have wiped clean with heavy drug usage and a...

The other day I did a video about depression and it got such a warm welcome, I thought it might be time to share my journey into and out of depression. It may help someone else see out of the darkness, to reach past the pain, to strive to live in spite of. First you should know and understand all drugs are mind altering, chemical altering and mental illness is closely linked to substance abuse. At the time my world began to spiral out of control, I worked in the clubs, had been homeless on and off since 1988 when my mother died.  My two youngest boys were in Florida with their dad, my oldest with my grandmother, atleast I think they were.  My memory doesn't get to serve me as well as it has in the past. I met a young man in the clubs and we fell in love. He was charming, intelligent, funny, reminded me of someone I loved a long long time ago, who had completely broken my heart.  He had the same body language, oh my gosh!  He was good looking and all ...